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Financial Planning For Parents (Podcast)

Something Personal, Season Two, Episode 10: Financial Planning For Parents

Something Personal logo. Choosing to have children is a deeply personal decision that incorporates diverse practical and emotional factors. But once you decide to become a parent, it is worth taking the time to think about how this change will affect your financial life. From the costs of pregnancy and childbirth to paying for a college education, parents face a variety of planning challenges and opportunities. Rebecca Pavese, CPA, returns to the podcast to offer her perspective as a financial planner (and as a mom). Join Rebecca and host Amy Laburda as they talk about how to budget for new expenses; what tax breaks are available to parents; why wills are crucial for parents; planning for ART, surrogacy or adoption; and much more.

 

 

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About the Guest

thumbnail of Rebeccca Pavese headshot. Rebecca Pavese, CPA, has worked extensively in Palisades Hudson's tax, financial accounting and estate planning and administration practices, and is a member of the firm’s investment committee. A client service manager since 2005, Rebecca first joined Palisades Hudson in 2000 in the Northeast and has been based in the firm’s Atlanta office since 2008. Rebecca contributed two chapters to the firm's book The High Achiever's Guide To Wealth, which includes even more information about financial planning for parents. For Rebecca's full biography, click here.

Episode Transcript (click arrow to expand)

Amy Laburda 00:07
Welcome to “Something Personal,” from Palisades Hudson Financial Group. I'm Amy Laburda, the firm's editorial manager. Even if you're not a parent yourself, you probably aren't surprised to hear that kids can be expensive. But just because parenthood is a personal choice doesn't mean it's one you shouldn't incorporate into your financial plan. To find out how to do that, I'm sitting down again with my colleague, Rebecca Pavese, a senior client service manager here at Palisades Hudson. Welcome back to the podcast, Rebecca.

Rebecca Pavese
Good morning, Amy. Thanks for having me back.

Amy Laburda 00:36
All right, Rebecca, so to kick us off, you're a mom yourself. So if you're comfortable talking about it, how much did financial considerations play into the timing of when you decided to become a parent? Or did they play in at all?

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, if you would have asked me at the time, I would have said significant financial consideration went into planning when we had our first child. But looking back at what our financial situation was then, I would have said that we were not as prepared as I would have thought we were. My husband and I were young

01:03
when we got married. We were high school sweethearts. We were married at 24, and our oldest daughter was born when I was just 26. We had been working about four years, and I was fortunate enough to not have any undergraduate debt

01:17
but that was not the case for my husband. So we were paying off debt. And on top of that, we were both getting our master’s [degrees] when we decided to start a family. So it wasn't like we had this huge savings and no expenses. That said, we did keep a fairly strict budget and we knew what our goal was and when we wanted to have children, that we wanted to have them young. And on the professional side, we both knew we wanted to have our credentials before we started a family. So I actually sat for the final part of the CPA exam just two months before Lexi was born.

01:46
I suppose it was a good thing I passed on the first try, but there was not a huge nest egg saved at that time.

Amy Laburda
Sure. I think there's probably a perception amongst some of our listeners that financial planners feel like, “Oh, you should definitely have all your ducks in a row before you get going.” But you know, parenthood is a choice that has a lot of dimensions, not just the financial one. And even when it comes to the financial one,

02:10
I talked earlier this season with our colleague, Larry Elkin, the president of Palisades Hudson. And we talked a little bit about what wealth even is, how people think about wealth. And in that episode, Larry made the point that pretty much no one approaches their financial planning with “the maximum net worth at death” as the plan. So there are a lot of reasons to have kids that aren't “this is a financially maximized decision.” So I think that observing kids are expensive or you

02:38
may or may not be ready for kids — maybe fair observations, but are kind of missing the point in some ways, it sounds like. That said, like many other countries, the U.S. is experiencing something of a baby bust. The National Center for Health Statistics reported earlier this year, in 2024, that the general fertility rate had reached a record low, as had the birth rate for women between the ages of 20 and 24. So

03:03
I'm not going to ask you to explain that phenomenon. There are a lot of smart people who've tried to do that at length, and listeners who are interested can find lots of discussions of that online. But, briefly, do you think that the economics of having kids now versus 20, 30 years ago may have affected how many people are ready to dive into parenthood?

Rebecca Pavese
It's not the primary reason, and I do think economics play a part in people's decision to have children.

03:27
I would actually say it impacts more, has a bigger role in the quantity of children that people are having. People are having fewer children. I have two, my mom was one of five, and I think that was… My husband's parents were one of five on both sides. So I think you're seeing now that people are having fewer children, but economics isn't leading them not to have any children. But there are significant costs, not only to raising children, just to the cost of pregnancy and childbirth alone.

03:54
Especially depending on where you live or what your health insurance coverage is, the cost of raising children has risen faster than inflation. You know, and economics is the easiest kind of catch-all explanation to say why people are not having babies, but the reality is people are settling down later in life. There's different professional goals for women. They're not just getting married and having children. People realizing that you have a choice to do what makes you happy versus kind of falling into what society told you you should do.

Amy Laburda 04:23
Absolutely. That makes a lot of sense. And I think when it comes to pinning down what you personally want, for many people, though not all, and we'll come back to some of the exceptions, deciding to become a parent is not just a personal decision, it's a decision you make with a romantic partner. So we've talked a lot in this podcast, in many, many episodes, about the importance of communication when you're dealing with financial planning topics. It seems to me that not only financially,

04:49
but broadly, this is a topic where you should really be on the same page with your partner, long before things get really serious when you're still in the planning, sort of “blue sky” stage. Is that correct?

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, that's definitely a fair statement. As with all major life decisions, understanding the financial aspects are important, but they aren't the only, the necessary part of the decision. There's a lot of non-financial aspects that you need to have a conversation about before you're having children, or even that go into… hand in hand with the financial aspects of it. When you

05:19
decide to have children, you're also — what's the next step, right? It's not just having them, it's, you know, do you want to, is it important to you that you have a stay-at-home parent? Are you OK with sending a child to daycare? Do you want a nanny? And obviously there's options in between. I wanted to stay home with the kids for some of it, but I also wanted to continue my career, and I had the opportunity to come back part-time. I've kept that status since I had children, but it

05:44
let me have, you know, when they were young, I did two days at home and three days in the office. As I got older, I switched that to four days. So that gave me the flexibility. And Bob and I agreed that that was the right thing for our family. Some other things: Do you need, are you going to be able to raise your children in your current living place? Do you need to buy a house? Do you need a bigger apartment? You know, that was part of our decision. We actually bought our house six months before our oldest was born. We had, we probably could have started our family in our apartment, but it was going to be tight.

06:13
So we were ready to make that next decision. And we had bought our house and settled there. And related to that also is: As your children get older, you have to think about the schools. In our first home, we were happy with the schools there, but we also were considering moving, which we did, to Georgia. And we knew it was important for us to move before Lexi started kindergarten. So… which kind of narrowed our time frame in which we wanted to move. We wanted her to start her school wherever, kind of, that was going to take her.

06:40
You know, you're also then considering saving, and can you save both now for retirement and college education? If so, how you can do both, and also remembering, we may touch on again later, when you're saving for college, you can borrow for college education, which you cannot do for retirement. So prioritize retirement and then education.

Amy Laburda
So if kids are in your plan, if you have a longer time frame, that's going to give you some time to have these conversations and maybe to start adjusting some savings goals since, as you said,

07:09
there's not just the birth and the kids themselves, but potentially housing, potentially education, lots of different irons in the fire there. But, you know, worth mentioning, not every pregnancy is planned. And there are also routes such as adoption, where you might be on a waiting list for years, and then suddenly there's a kid arriving very soon. So with that in mind, that timeline may not be as flexible as you'd want, what are some financial steps that you would say parents-to-be should

07:36
prioritize? What's first on the list?

Rebecca Pavese
So if you are in a situation where you are planning for the arrival of a child, there are a few things you can do. If you've listened to some earlier podcasts, you've heard me speak on budgets. So that's kind of where you're going to start. You're going to run your budget. One of the biggest steps you should take before having a child, if you know either you're going to give up an income or there's going to just be additional expenses, try running your budget on a surplus

08:02
so that you're going to have a little bit of extra every month, and you can just put that in [an] account for baby expenses. That would cover upfront expenses, and it also would show you how you're going to handle the lost income. And then, you know, when you're talking about that, which we talked about a little bit earlier, is: you really need to have a thoughtful conversation of what's going to work best for your family regarding childcare. They vary significantly in cost. Will one of you be able to stay home? Well, the cost of childcare is going to be free, but what are you conceding on the income side?

08:31
Are you going to go part-time? Are you going to get a job that has more flexibility and maybe take a salary cut? And you have the consequences of [not just] lost income if you decide to stay home, but also as you give up that income, you're also not paying into Social Security. You're not saving for retirement. So there are other things to consider just the lost income. So you want to do a budget and see where that really lands your family. And then you adjust your income, how that's going to work with… once the child arrives.

09:00
Another item that ,as you're preparing and planning to have children, is you should review your insurance, all three kinds. You have your life insurance, your disability insurance, and your health care insurance. If you have a child, you're going to need to provide for that child if something were to happen to you. And term life insurance is relatively cheap, and you should make sure you have that in place, certainly to cover any costs of your funeral, but also to leave something to transition either your surviving spouse, or if just your child, to

09:30
have funds to continue without you. And then also if you are the woman carrying the child, a lot of employers offer short-term disability insurance, which you may not have been paying for, or private short-term disability insurance you want to evaluate, which would cover part of the lost income while you're out on maternity leave. And some states also offer a short-term disability, which would not be as much as private insurance, but it would give you something. So you should look into what options are there. And then also you have to consider your health care insurance.

09:59
After the birth of a child, you'll have an open enrollment period where you'll be able to add them to your insurance. And you'll need to consider what's the better option depending on your current insurance. If you both carry your own insurance, is it better to add a dependent to one of your plans, or would it be better for you to drop coverage for one of you and then add a family plan? Of course, this looks different for unmarried couples, your options will be different, but you want to consider and know what your decision is going to be made when the time comes. You also want to know what

10:28
the coverage is going to be for delivery and hospital expenses, what you're out-of-pocket expenses are, so you can go ahead and plan for those.

Amy Laburda
Circling back a little bit to term [life] insurance, you want to make sure your kids are taken care of if anything happens to you, which then I think inevitably leads us back to estate planning as well. In our season one episode where we talked about estate planning, we mentioned that it's especially critical for parents of young children.

10:54
So just to emphasize that point, or for people who didn't catch that episode, why is it so critical to update your estate plan, and especially your will, if you're becoming a parent?

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, as you mentioned, we've discussed this before, and wills are a crucial part for young parents, and something I'm passionate about, because people often think they don't need to have wills until they have some kind of financial wealth or there's really assets to take care of. But the primary thing of new parents and wills is naming guardians. You want to make sure that you've named guardians for young children in that,

11:23
and they've spoken with those guardians, and they've accepted the responsibility. But the worst thing that could happen is, you leave these children without guardians named, and they end up in the courts or people fighting over children, and it doesn't work how you want it to be. And those can change. You can update your wills as many times as you want. So as life circumstances change, you may change your guardians, or you may move to a different area and you want to keep your children involved in their lives there, which would force you to change your guardians. But have something in place as soon as possible.

Amy Laburda 11:52
I think that makes a ton of sense. And I can speak for myself that I know I was the kind of kid who liked to know what would happen in a variety of situations. So I remember my parents sat me down when I was… sometime in elementary school, and I had asked what would happen if something happened to both of you. And they're like, OK, well, you know, you would go to your aunt and uncle and this is what would happen. And I think it was very reassuring. Now, obviously that's going to depend on the type of kid, and the age of kid. But I think just having that reassurance there was also emotionally really important for me.

Rebecca Pavese 12:22
Absolutely. As kids get older and start to worry about these things, it's nice for them to know there's a plan in place.

Amy Laburda
Yeah. So on a slightly cheerier note, to backtrack a bit, you mentioned trying to run your budget on a surplus even before the baby arrived. We sort of talked about how having that extra cushion upfront can be helpful for a variety of reasons. But for someone who's not a parent already, if they're expecting their first child, what kind of,

12:47
sort of startup cost, for lack of a better term, can they expect and what might not they have on their radar already?

Rebecca Pavese
I think that a new parent that is having a child probably has most of these on their radar. But for your first child, basically, you'll need a lot of essential equipment, right? You'll need a crib, you'll need a car seat, you'll need strollers, you'll likely need furniture unless you have furniture to repurpose. Or draw or kind of come with a sizable expense.

13:13
And if you're lucky, a lot of times these items, you can get [as] gifts at a baby shower. But if not, you should have fun set aside to purchase these items. And since some of these aren't used for a very long time, you may be able to borrow them from friends, or even a secondhand type place would be a lot cheaper if you're trying to do this on a budget.

13:31
But one thing I caution there, especially, is car seats. You want to make sure that when you buy a car seat, if you don't get a brand new car seat, that you have a way to prove that that car seat's never been in an accident, and also that any other items you buy have not been recalled. Maybe from a friend you could get a car seat, because you'd have a good history there, but from a secondhand shop with car seats, I'd be very cautious. And then there's just the extra item that is going to add into…

13:54
equipment is just kind of the ongoing expenses of children, which is diapers, wipes, and formulas. So it just becomes another line item to the grocery budget. Also, another item to note about car seats is they expire. I believe it's after 10 years, but the car seat will have the date on it. So you should check that date as well.

Amy Laburda
Makes sense. Safety is not a thing you want to mess around with, especially when it comes to your kids.

Rebecca Pavese
Absolutely.

Amy Laburda
So you mentioned earlier, in talking about whether or not you plan to stay home, the expense of daycare.

14:23
I'm not a parent myself, but I have a lot of friends who are. And I know from them that not only is securing a place in daycare potentially stressful, but once you get in, paying for it can be a major undertaking. So other than staying home yourself or full-time daycare, do parents have other options they should be weighing? Or they kind of just stuck sucking that one up?

Rebecca Pavese
If you have decided you're both going to go back to work in some capacity, you really just have to brace yourself for the cost of childcare.

14:52
And then consider if there are other options that can help you defray that cost. You know, you could defray it by just going back part time, so you would need less coverage during the week. You could ask family and friends to help. I caution that you are realistic about what grandparents can take on. They may want to, but they may not be physically able to, or may just not have the time to commit. And then you have to consider...

15:17
daycare versus nanny. Typically a nanny or a private in-home daycare is going to be more expensive than a daycare, where the ratios are different.

Amy Laburda
So other than just the higher expense, if you go with in-home care — a nanny, an au pair, some arrangement like that — are there other financial considerations you'll need to keep in mind?

Rebecca Pavese
Yes. You’ve likely heard of what they refer to

15:37
colloquially as the nanny tax. If you decide to hire a nanny, you'll need to be aware of the tax considerations, because you'll be considered an employer. So you will need to pay Social Security, Medicare, and federal and state unemployment taxes on behalf of the nanny. And in addition to paying these taxes, you'll be responsible for filing tax forms and submitting these payments to the IRS. Do note that nanny tax doesn't apply to grandparents and babysitters under the age of 18 that are not working primarily as a caregiver.

16:06
While these are your responsibility as an employer, you can hire out an agency that will handle these filings for you. And you'll just pay a small fee to the agency to do all these filings for you.

Amy Laburda
So now that we've opened the tax can of worms, let's just take a moment and get it out of the way. Every major life change has its tax consequences. We had a recent episode on marriage, which clearly brings its own. But what are a few of the tax issues that parents should keep in mind?

Rebecca Pavese 16:33
So when you're in the hospital when your child's born, you can apply for a Social Security number. You should do it right away. It's more complicated to get it, if you don't do it when you're right in the hospital. And then you have to evaluate a few other things. If you're a couple who are filing income taxes, are you filing together? Are you filing separately? So which is going to be more advantageous? If you're a single parent, you now may be able to file as “head of household.”

16:57
You should consider adjusting your withholdings. If you're getting any credits or any tax breaks, you may not need to have as much withheld out of your wages. And then there's some government incentives, right? You have the Child Tax Credit, which is $2,000 per qualifying child, and up to $1,700 of that is refundable, which… meaning if you exceed the credit, they'll actually refund you the money.

17:19
The Child Tax Credit does have income limitations. So it's $200,000, or $400,000 for married filing jointly. And then there's also what's known as [the] Child And Dependent Care Tax Credit. So this is for expenses that you pay for, like… to daycare, which ranges from $3,000 to $6,000 per child, or 20% to 35% of the expenses. There's no income limit on the Child And Dependent Care credit, but it does decrease the percentage that's allowed. And then also some states have a similar credit.

17:47
And then the final tax credit would be if you were to adopt a child, there is an Adoption Tax Credit.

Amy Laburda
So we mentioned with the marriage episode that even if you don't routinely work with a tax adviser, it might be a good time to sort of get a one-time checkup. It sounds like that may also be true if you're a new parent as well, just to touch base and see how all of these could apply to you.

Rebecca Pavese
Absolutely. You want to make sure that you're filing the most advantageous status and that you're taking advantage of all the credits that are available.

Amy Laburda 18:15
While we're on the topic of tax planning, we mentioned earlier that saving for a child's education is a primary goal for a lot of parents. Is there a particularly tax-advantaged way to make those kinds of decisions?

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, education is going to be one of the largest expenses, and starting saving early is a powerful tool.

18:32
The best way to save for college is to use a 529 plan, which is a specialty investment account that allows you to save for college in a tax advantaged way. All investment earnings in a 529 account are tax free, as long as you use them to pay for qualified education expenses. Most things qualify as, you know… tuition, housing, they are qualified education expenses. And a long time horizon lets you make the most out of compounding.

18:58
So the sooner you start a 529 plan, the better. This is also something that you can do even if you only have a small amount to save. The minimums to start these plans are very low, and you can make small monthly contributions. It's also something that, if you wanted, you could have friends and family contribute to as gifts for birthdays or holidays. We joke here that as financial planners, we give to our nieces and nephews as their gifts, which may not be the most fun. So you have to give a little gift that's more exciting than a...

19:27
donation to their college account, but it's a good way to help save for college. And there's also some kinds of educational expenses that are, you know, even before college, right? You know, in K-12, you have the decision of whether you're going to send your children to public school or you're going to use a parochial or private school. You'll continue to have after-school expenses in the early years. You know, in the later years, you'll have some kind of tutoring and extracurricular and all of that.

Amy Laburda
As all that suggests, we could do a whole episode on

19:55
education funding. And we did, in fact, do a whole episode on education funding in the first season, which I will link in the show notes. But it certainly sounds like the earlier you get started, the better, just because there's so many balls in the air really to juggle. And as you know well, they don't stay small forever. You have one in college and one well on the way at this point. So as your kids get bigger, are there any financial planning tips for parents, moving back a little from college? But just as they move

20:23
from baby to toddler and into school, financial milestones that they want to keep in mind, particular planning strategies that may come into play with older kids that you don't need to worry about when they're younger.

Rebecca Pavese
I do remember as a young parent, you think when you get through that daycare expense, that you're going to be rich. You're like, “Oh my gosh, I've been paying all this money for all these months, and they're going to go to school, and I'm not going to have to pay for daycare, and I'm going to have all this extra money.” The reality is, you quickly find other uses for that money. Sometimes it just goes to paying for private or parochial school.

20:53
That will likely cost as much, if not more, than daycare. But also extracurricular activities become expensive as your children get older. For example, my kids were both heavily involved in sports. And as they started, it was kind of a minimal fee. They played in the rec programs in our local county. And as they went on, they started travel sports, which then you're paying dues just to participate. And the real expense is actually not in the payments for that, but is in the travel, right? So

21:21
we’ve been to Colorado, we’ve been to California, multiple times to Florida out of a base of Georgia. So those become expenses that you're going to need to cover. And I think kids that do cheer or performing arts, I think you're going to have those same kinds of expenses in different kinds of lessons. And then in academics, like I mentioned earlier, you're going to be paying for tutoring. It's kind of common in AP [Advanced Placement] classes that that's kind of a standard expense that goes along with that.

Amy Laburda
Yeah. And as a former AP student, I can say: test fees, also a thing that you need to be

21:50
aware are coming.

Rebecca Pavese
Absolutely.

Amy Laburda
We touched a couple times earlier on: Many parents are doing it with a partner, but not all parents are. Obviously, in 2024, families can look a whole variety of ways. First of all, let's touch on couples who are couples but who are not married. From a financial planner's perspective, what are some things that they might need to keep in mind that married couples don't have to worry about?

Rebecca Pavese
If you're unmarried but both biological parents, you

22:20
have an inherent set of rights, which make it easier. But in some states, fathers who are not married to the child's mother must sign a voluntary declaration of paternity. And even if not required, it would be good to have to fight off any potential parenting issues in the future. And if you are not the child's blood relative, there are going to be legal steps that you need to ensure your right to custody is protected. Especially in this scenario, you would want to hire an attorney to help navigate that process.

22:48
That's something that's going to be worth the extra expense. You don't want to risk all that not being in place correctly.

Amy Laburda
Make sense. So on the other hand, I think it's probably self-evident to a lot of people that it's an extra challenge to be a single parent, not only financially, but certainly financially. You may have pursued single parenthood on purpose, but you may also become a single parent because you've gone through a divorce or because you are widowed. So,

23:13
in general, if you have a parent who is looking at single parenthood, are there any other specific pieces of advice that might be useful to them?

Rebecca Pavese
The theoretical here is to do everything in your power to create financial security for the unplanned, which would, you know, include a robust emergency fund and securing disability and life insurance. Make sure you understand what would happen to your life insurance proceeds in the event of your own untimely death. I will say that that is a...

23:41
topic that we would delve in much deeper in other chapters, but you may need trusts or something to guide how that money would be dispersed if you were to die while your child was still a minor. But honestly, the reality is that these are often people who are working to survive, so telling them that they should have a robust emergency fund can be demoralizing. For people in this situation, start by knowing these are the ultimate goals and set small milestones to help accomplish them.

24:05
You know, even if that means starting with a small insurance policy and a budget that puts something into savings every month to work toward their goals. But saying that a single parent needs a robust emergency fund might not be doable.

Amy Laburda
Sure. And obviously, as we’ve talked about many times on the show, everyone's situation is different. It's hard to give sort of blanket advice when you might have someone who is doing very well financially and pursuing single parenthood through IVF or other technology,

24:34
versus someone who had planned to do it with a partner and is dealing with the grief of losing them as well as all the extra financial burden. It's just very different situations.

Rebecca Pavese
Exactly.

Amy Laburda
So speaking of IVF, obviously if you're planning to become a single parent, you're not going to be able to do that without any assistance, but there are also plenty of couples who may need assistance, either because of fertility struggles or because biologically, they're not able to have a child together. A whole variety of scenarios could push people towards

25:03
reproductive technology. So naming all of the potential ways that you can get help with fertility and childbirth is far beyond the scope of this episode. We're not a science show, and also we don't want this episode to go too long. But from a financial planner's perspective, it's pretty well known that these, especially IVF, are not cheap options. So parents who are planning to pursue these,

25:26
should they save up for them the way they'd save up for anything else? Are there any other particular pitfalls they should look out for financially?

Rebecca Pavese
So like any other part of planning for parenthood, you should look at the potential costs, and talk to your partner if you have one about your resources and your priorities. Evaluate your health insurance. Health insurance varies widely as to whether they cover assistive reproductive technologies

25:49
at all, and to what extent. So it's important that you understand your plan options. Some states mandate at least some fertility coverage, though the specific legal requirements vary. And since time is in play, you may not have a chance to fully save up for these costs involved in IVF or other fertility treatments. But be mindful of how you take on debt and [of] exploring financing options.

Amy Laburda
My understanding is some clinics will work with you to set up a plan, but

26:15
obviously, as with any other kind of debt, I imagine you're going to want to look at interest rate, repayment terms, all those details.

Rebecca Pavese
Exactly. Compare what all your options of debt are.

Amy Laburda
So similarly, another topic that we do not have time to get into fully, but we should touch on is surrogacy, which is another option for people who can't have children in a more traditional way. There's certainly a lot of legal as well as financial complications, but very briefly, are there any points that you would recommend a client or someone else asking you for advice

26:44
keep in mind as they pursue this route?

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, so some states prohibit traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate provides the egg. More commonly now you'll see gestational surrogacy, where the surrogate is not biologically related to the child. It's much more common, even in places in the U.S. where both are legal. If you remember the Baby M case, which I guess was in the ’80s. That's when I first learned of surrogacy, and obviously the laws have evolved greatly since that time to protect

27:13
parties. But you want to make sure that however you're pursuing this, that you want to be protected. While you're not required to work with an agency, it's certainly a good idea. Despite the additional cost, having experts available can save on medical and legal headaches down the road.

27:28
Surrogacy is almost always the most expensive option. A recent article in The New York Times estimated that the average cost of surrogacy in this country is about $150,000 from start to finish. So it's going to require significant research and budgeting before you can start this process.

Amy Laburda
And just to clarify for our slightly younger or maybe less plugged-in listeners, the Baby M case is something you can look up more about. I'll link to a little more information, but the short version is

27:56
it was a traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate was biologically related to the child and then decided at the last minute that she couldn't give the child up. And it created a major legal tangle for all involved, which I suspect, though can't prove, is probably part of why traditional surrogacy is prohibited in many places now, because of that mess and those kinds of messes that would arise from those situations.

28:21
Moving on from surrogacy a moment, let's touch on adoption. We briefly mentioned it a couple times earlier in the show. Obviously, a complicated subject with a lot of potential variations, but it seems like this is an area, maybe more so if not as much so, where you're doing some upfront research and some upfront planning before you get started.

Rebecca Pavese
Yeah, if you're considering adoption, it costs very widely because there are so many avenues [through] which you could pursue adoption.

28:48
You could be working with your local community's foster system, which may cost little upfront or even come with some subsidies, versus private or international adoptions, which can easily run into the tens of thousands of dollars. The full list of details and concerns are well beyond the scope of this episode, but it's important that you create a budget realistic to the avenue that you want to pursue.

Amy Laburda
That makes sense.

29:11
So zooming back out a bit, whether we're talking about having children the traditional way or adoption, surrogacy, any of these options, having kids can be expensive, and parenting is expensive once they're here. If you had a client come to you and say something like, “I really want children, my partner and I really want children, but we're worried about the financial realities of parenthood.” Do you have any advice you'd give to them? What would you say?

Rebecca Pavese 29:34
Yeah, I'd probably chuckle at them and tell them that welcome to being a parent, where worrying about their children is going to be a daily event. Then I would probably tell them, as we discussed earlier, that if you aren't trying to maximize wealth, but rather happiness, they need to be aware of the financial realities of having a child, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. And of course, all this advice assumes that this client is an adult, responsible and relatively financially independent, or if not, I would start with those parameters.

Amy Laburda 30:03
So in general, I like to give my guests the last word on a show. We've covered a lot of things, what feels like pretty quickly in this episode, because it's a big topic with a lot of facets. But is there anything else about parenthood, prospective or actual, that you wanted to touch on before we wrapped up today?

Rebecca Pavese
Being a mom has truly been the greatest joy of my life. My youngest, Mac, is a senior this year, and I'm truly trying to savor every moment with her.

30:28
They tell you the days are long, but the years are short. And I feel this with every part of my being these days. If being a parent is truly important to you, you'll find a way to make it work. The financial aspect won't always be easy, but the trade-offs you make will be worth every penny. Being cognizant and mindful of the financial aspects, needs and planning related to parenting is a lot more than some people consider. So you're setting yourself up for success by prioritizing it.

Amy Laburda
Rebecca, thank you so much for getting a little personal with me today. I really appreciate it.

30:56
And thank you for sitting down with me and having another chat. It's always been a pleasure to talk to you.

Rebecca Pavese
Of course, thanks again for having me, Amy.

Amy Laburda
“Something Personal” is a production of Palisades Hudson Financial Group, a financial planning and investment firm headquartered in South Florida. Our other offices are in Atlanta; Austin; the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area; and the New York City metro area. “Something Personal” is hosted by me, Amy Laburda.

31:25
Our producers are Ali Elkin and Joseph Ranghelli. Joseph Ranghelli is also our director, editor and mixer. Our firm has written two books: Looking Ahead: Life, Family, Wealth and Business After 55 and The High Achiever's Guide to Wealth, which offers advice for younger professionals, entrepreneurs, athletes and performers. Both books are available on Amazon, in paperback and as e-books.